Editing Supporting Couples Thrive During Deployment
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I recall as if it were yesterday . . . that fear-filled day in April of 1972. I had only been a military wife for 4 short months when my partner, Mike, came home to our base quarters and declared that he had acquired his orders. In two months he would be leaving for a year-heading off to South east Asia. My initial reaction was denial. I was certain that the Air Force had developed a mistake. My husband had only been in uniform for a very little while. I was sure Mike's supervisors would change their ideas, agree it has been all a mistake, and after that change his orders to a base stateside. Military WTR Scholarship Info Looking back, I didn't find out what to expect when I became a military wife, and going off to war definitely had not entered my head. We were so young, inexperienced, and "in love"! Arriving at the Air Force base in January with my marriage license at hand, I recall getting my first military I.D. card. The lady behind the workplace asked me what my "last four" were. I said, "my last four what"" I had no idea what she was referring to. Then she added, "The last four numbers of your husband's Social Security Number." "Now, how would I know that?" I reasoned. Little did I understand that I would live as a military wife for 23 years and see Mike retire from active duty in 1995. And little did I know that more than 36 years after Mike showed me his orders to go to war in 1972, God would use us to help military couples dealing with war and geographic separation. A lot of things about military deployment don't change. In 1972 my fears included: * Exactly how will I manage alone? * Will my marriage be all right while we're apart? * Will Mike be safe? * Where will I go-what will I do? * What if he changes while he is gone and we are not the same when he gets home? * What if the worst takes place? * How will we stay connected even when we're apart? These same questions are now being asked today by military couples as they prepare their families and hearts for the challenges of wartime separation. A lot of things do change But some things do change-there are ways by which today's global war on terror is different. When I and Mike, and our coauthors Keith and Sharon Morgan, started writing a HomeBuilders study to aid military couples cope with the marital challenges of deployment today, we hung out with brave military families around the world. The new technologies for communication, accessibility to the world wide web, high operations tempo and multiple deployments, women deploying to the front lines, and the big percentage of National Guard and Reserve units involved-with their exclusive challenges-are problems impacting our military families these days. All of these current issues, joined with common stresses from the past, highlighted the need for a relevant Bible study addressing deployment. We wanted to help couples know that it's possible, with God's help, to grow in marital strength and spiritual maturity throughout the separation caused by wartime duty. At each and every base we visited, God led us to amazing military couples who are displaying their faith in Jesus. These couples have perspective, perseverance, patience, and peace that come from their faith. Discussing questions in an atmosphere of trust We knew that their testimonies were really worth sharing, and that in the fellowship of a small group, some other couples could see hope-perhaps for the very first time in their marriage. In a small-group HomeBuilders setting, solutions to questions are discussed in an ambiance of trust. Couples realize that they aren't alone in their battles, and so they encourage each other. We will never forget one particular military couple in our first HomeBuilders group at our local Navy base. We understood that their marriage was teetering on the point of breakup. The problem? Coming back from deployments-and the power struggle that ensued over children's discipline, family schedule, finances, etc. Neither the husband nor the wife realized what to do, and they had given up hope. Throughout the discussion in our second session of Military Marriage, one of the husbands mentioned the same problem that he and his wife had experienced after deployments. This husband explained how they had started to recognize the issue for what it was and had handled it over time. The husband of our "troubled" couple nodded in agreement, and then turning to his wife stated, "Well, we can do that!" 2 months later their chaplain called to inform us that this husband had made a commitment to Jesus Christ, they had recommitted to their marriage, and the entire family had been baptized. That's the power of the Holy Spirit at work in a tiny group! Communicating through homework We organized 13 field test groups for our Making Your Marriage Deployment Ready HomeBuilders study. Besides knowing and sharing solutions for common trouble-spots, our couples have expressed appreciation for how HomeBuilders allows a couple to convey during their "homework" project through the week. Sometimes deployments create extra stress in the area of communication due to timing and unwillingness to speak about some tough topics-like dollars, in-laws, new assignments, and so forth. After a HomeBuilders discussion one evening at a local church, a military wife discussed, "We've been able to talk about things that we've never talked about before-because it's in the lesson!" Subjects which had been tagged "don't go there" became "we need to address this." Our newest military HomeBuilders study, Making Your Marriage Deployment Ready, is currently available. It is our desire for every military couple struggling with deployment to endure this Bible study and participate in our Military Marriage and allow God to teach them His power to carry them through their unique challenges. In the event that Mike and I would have had this chance to learn and prepare for our wartime separations, we'd have been so much better off!
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