Editing Open Communication, A Key To A Healthy Relationship

"We had no secrets; We 'd tell each other everything ..."-Carly Simon When we dedicate ourselves to a relationship with another person, we rightly anticipate to experience a sense of fulfillment that we didn't have before. Humans, as social beings, appear to have a universal desire to find a partner. Sexual attraction frequently serves as the motivator for making preliminary contact with the other person, and this is usually changed over time with a deeper sense of commitment and intimacy. It comes as an awful dissatisfaction to some individuals when the sexual stage of their relationship fails to lead in time to something much deeper. The task, then, is to understand the forces which obstruct the development of a much deeper sense of intimacy-- and to do something about it. Fortunately, with some work-- and it's often effort-- couples can learn to move into the stage of deeper sharing and more satisfaction in their relationships. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/rHB55dZJGaw?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> The enjoyment which comes with going into a new relationship touches us at the core of our being. It affects our thinking, our emotions, and our physical bodies. In some sense it seems like a dream come true. We feel that, finally, the tough years of experiencing the world alone have come to an end. The important things that we have wished for has actually been attained. We now have a partner, someone who can share, understand, and appreciate our most private experiences. The world suddenly looks like a happier and more secure place. The beginning phases of a relationship can bring a precious sense of connectedness-- but when that phone call does not come, when a plan goes awry, when the wrong words are spoken, the psychological high can turn swiftly into a sensation of devastation. Being in love can have its down side. Over time the physical phase of the relationship is typically replaced by a duration of getting to know even more about other aspects of our partner's character. A few of these characteristics are charming to us-- and others serve to irritate us. We discover how our partner takes care of the needs of daily life, and we learn that he or she might not do things the way we do them. Our partner might take a more aggressive approach than we do. Or we may discover that our partner harp on issues, mulling them back and forth, before deciding-- which is something that could develop anxiety in us. Our partner's sense of loyalty to the relationship may be different from our own. These distinctions might seem catastrophic during this stage of the relationship. And at this phase, rather than looking within to make our own personal change to our partner's peculiarities, we might try to force our partners to change their habits. Power and supremacy might become part of the characteristics of the relationship-- and this can have a significant negative effect on intimacy. It is at this phase that genuine communication becomes important to the continued success of the relationship. Genuine Communication Communication is at the center of relationships. The quality of a relationship depends upon the quality of the communication between the two partners. The most valued times within a relationship are those in which we take advantage of our partner's authenticity with genuine communication-- those times when we talk truthfully. Unfortunately, these moments come far too rarely for many of us. Those who can accomplish physical intimacy are not always those who can communicate well verbally. Why is this? Some individuals simply lack the tools and experience for talking about psychological problems. Others talk a mile a minute, having to be confirmed by others however instead driving them away. Some people are safeguarded and have difficulty in opening up about anything personal. Some people are unable to hear their partner-- they always bring the subject back to themselves, or they could see their duty as the one who provides (unwanted) suggestions. Some individuals interpret their partner's desire for a serious talk as criticism. They become protective when their partner attempts to share the honest truth with them. A serious talk, then, can easily cause an argument-- and this results in a failure of honest communication. The more failures there are, the less likely the couple will try to communicate on a real level in the future-- to the hinderance of intimacy in their relationship. Telling the Truth Truth is tough for many of us. All of us engage in a little self-deception in our lives. There are things about ourselves that we have not been able to examine or accept. We have trouble in confessing our flaws-- even to ourselves, a lot more so to our partners. Sometimes we guard our intimate feelings since we have been harmed in the past when we attempted to share them with others, so that trust is a hard area for us. For example, if you and your partner are feeling unloved and lonely, but you attempt to cover it up by saying that everything is fine, you will certainly continue to feel isolated. Our commitment to a relationship means that we have chosen to open ourselves up to another person, defects and all. To continue to deceive ourselves with our partner impedes the intimacy of the relationship. A relationship has the prospective to offer a healthy way to come to terms with our issues, both personal and interpersonal. Accepting the truth, and discussing it, can free us of pain and set the stage for a healthier future. When we share our worries within the context of our partner's loving understanding and acceptance, the fears dissipate. The issues we have been holding on to alone for so long lose their force when they are shown somebody who loves us. Telling the truth can reduce the barriers that separate us from our partners. It can lead to a brand-new level of self-acceptance and authenticity in our own lives-- and this in turn results in a more powerful level of dedication and intimacy in our relationship. The truth can make us entire and set us totally free. Here are some guidelines for telling the truth - Understand what you plan to do when you communicate. This requires a sincere look at your inspirations. If you plan to develop recovery, clarity, or a much deeper sense of intimacy within the relationship, your objective will most likely result in these results. If, on the other hand, you want to make yourself look good and your partner look bad-- or if you wish to hurt your partner-- then distrust will result from the communication. Examine how well your partner can handle the truth. There are times when your partner may not prepare to have heartfelt talks. A hint to this is when your partner continuously rejects, or is unable to hear, your efforts at enhanced closeness. If your partner tends to end up being defensive, if there is a history of fighting when serious problems are discussed, if your partner is unable to honor your personal information and can not keep a secret, or if there is a history of betrayal-- then it might be best to exercise telling the truth with another person, not your partner. Then, when you feel comfy in telling the truth and trusting, it will certainly be time to engage in heartfelt talks with your partner. Some individuals prefer to start the procedure alone with a therapist, because they are trained to listen non-judgementally and are less most likely to take things personally. Understand your very own worries about telling the truth. Interacting on a sincere and genuine level makes you susceptible. You could be afraid getting hurt or harming your partner's feelings. You may feel that you will certainly be misconstrued or that your partner will certainly evaluate you adversely. Our worries are based upon past experiences and live within us. They are often unrealistic. The higher goal is to interact honestly with your partner in order to have a more satisfying relationship, and this indicates having the guts to confront your fears. Accept the truth that your partner does not have to agree with you. Many of us hesitate to have intimate talks with our partners unless they agree with everything we need to say. Unfortunately, this leads not a lot to intimacy, which involves a sharing and acceptance of our distinctions, as it does to control battles and seclusion from our partners. Accept, as well as treasure, your partner's individuality. Two individuals can be right at the same time in a relationship-- it's just a matter of 2 different interpretations of the very same events. Intimacy occurs between two total, whole people, each of whom honors their partner's way of looking at the world. Listening to the Truth If you want your partner to be truthful with you, you need to be a good listener. Communication is a two-way process. A good listener--. is nonjudgmental and unbiased;. doesn't jump to conclusions;. understands that the truth comes out a little at the time, not all at once;. doesn't try to enforce his/her personal variation of the truth on the speaker;. does not interrupt and enables the speaker to finish talking before responding;. helps the speaker clarify what is being stated;. can tolerate different opinions without ending up being defensive. Individuals frequently hear something besides what is being said. We misperceive because of our own life experiences. If we frequently become argumentative or have our feelings harmed throughout conversations, it is helpful to analyze our ability to listen without drawing conclusions prematurely.The way we hear what others state is often more a reflection of us than the other person. True listening involves looking within and establishing the capability to hear correctly what the other person is trying to say. When people have heartfelt talks, their objectives are normally great. The lasting success of any relationship depends on the ability of the two partners to attain intimacy through their communication. When the two partners feel separated from each other and blocked in their ability to achieve the nearness they once felt, it is time to work on revealing their innermost ideas and sensations to each other. This involves a taking deep appearance within and a commitment to face the fears which have taken them apart. Telling the truth takes practice, and lots of it-- first on your own and afterwards with your partner. Looking within and accepting who you are-- and then sharing this with your partner-- is recovery. It is a way to wholeness, both personally and as a couple. A Way to Work on Intimate Communication. Numerous couples go for months or years without having deep and intimate talks. They live with silence and feel emotionally estranged from the person to whom they have committed themselves. They really want the closeness they anticipated when their relationship began, but they don't know how to get there. The walls appear too high. They hope that something magical will certainly happen, that all of a sudden the barriers will certainly come dropping and they will certainly be able to feel close again. Unfortunately, couples appear to be able to endure years of silence, and for Numerous, the turn-around never takes place. It takes a realization that the relationship needs work. This indicates taking an honest look at the state of the relationship and a determination to do something about it. Layne and Paul Cutright have established a structured approach to achieving truth and sincerity in relationships. In their book, Straight from the Heart, they suggest discovering how to share intimate communication through having Heart-to-Heart Talks ™. They identify four types of Processes that comprise these talks--. Nurturing Processes-- Every relationship requires mutual nurturing. Each partner has to feel cared about. In this stage of the talks, the partners find out how to say things that cause mental and psychological wellness. This healing energy allows the relationship to begin to grow. Clearing Processes-- In order to let go of (or clear) your fears and anxieties, it is neces-sary to talk them through so that you can start to see new possibilities. It is challenging to see these possibilities when fear prevails. Sharing your fears with another person lessens their power over you. Discovery Processes-- Talking out loud assists us to accomplish a brand-new understanding of a situation. These are aspects of ourselves that we usually keep hidden, both from others and ourselves. Sharing them with another person allows us to acquire new perspectives. Affirming Processes-- Your partner can assist you to reinforce your self-esteem and self-regard. Your relationship can become a place where you feel good, whole, and total. Source: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHB55dZJGaw family counseling center, family counselling services]

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