Editing Can You Fall in Love Again With Your Partner?
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The movie that made Marilyn Monroe famous was The Seven Year Itch. The concept was that about every seven years most married people begin to itch where they can't scratch. They know something is definitely wrong, however they don't know what, let alone how to deal with it. Typically they've got an affair around that time. Of all marital problems, that which I have confronted the most often in my pastoral counseling is, "I just don't love her anymore." Even though there is an enormous distinction between being "in love" and also loving someone, we still need to be in love. Partners have actually been visiting me with marital problems ever since my first pastorate. 90 percent of them have been married from 2 to 7 years, even though some so long as 30. All had exactly the same problem-lost love. What the Bible has to say Right after hearing this recurring literally hundreds of times in really serious counseling sessions, I began to look the Bible for the answer. I discovered it in Revelation 2:1-5. "To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your deeds, your hard work and perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place." In these verses, Jesus Christ, the heavenly Bridegroom, is dictating a letter through the Apostle John to His bride, the church at Ephesus. Inside the first verse He tells her that He is the glorious Son of God, Creator of the World, and Upholder of the Law. He states that He hasn't changed through eternity. He is to her as He has long been. In verses two and three He commends her for her faithfulness to Him, her work, her patience, her disdain for evil, her doctrinal integrity, and her tireless labor on His behalf. At the beginning of the fourth verse, even so, the whole tenor of the conversation begins to change. "Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." Her adoration for the groom has cooled. It is not the vibrant thing it once was. She's got fallen out of love. How will the loving bridegroom, the master marital authority, cope with the problem? The first overtones of the fourth verse provide a surprising, delicate hint as to the approach He will use. He is understanding and patient, yet He is upset also. It's not a small thing! A grievous wrong has been done, and He will cope with it directly and rather severely. "Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken you first love." I have something against you! I am charging you with a serious offense. This expression, "against you," is heavy terminology. It is a serious charge, although not one without remedy. In verse five, He gives His perfect three-point prescription on how to fall in love again. "Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first." 1. Repent. Why should Jesus say such a thing as "Repent"? Why is falling out of love treated, in part, as a sin? It can just be because falling out of love is a symptom of a spiritual problem. Due to the fact God is love and the author of love, God alone can provide real love. When the process of the integration and selfless meshing of two personalities has started to break down, it is because God's love-agape love-is gone. To fall in love again you have to be completely truthful with yourself and go back to your connection with God. Where did it jump the track? When did you first begin to fall out of love with Him? When did your heart first start to grow cold? You can expect to be able to trace your lack of adoration for your mate to a limited time once the beginning of your loss of love for the Lord. The most difficult thing you may ever have to do is ask God's forgiveness for the sin of falling out of love. However, it's such an essential part of the prescription that it won't work without it. Go ahead, confess, come clean with God. Admit it. Let His love begin to flow into you. Only then will it flow out from you to your spouse. Biblical repentance likewise involves a big change of direction thru [http://pageeasy.com/christmarrconf/ marriage conference]. It means to get back on the track and start doing again what you used to do. Get back to where spiritual growth takes place: in the church, in the Bible, and in prayer. We might be confident His promise is protected, that "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). 2. Remember. "Remember the height from which you have fallen." The next part of Christ's prescription to the loveless bride is to get all the power of the mind as an friend in her effort to restore lost love. The New Testament writers taught positive thinking long before this generation ever heard of it. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. -Philippians 4:8-11 That's good, positive thinking, and Jesus orders it as part of His prescription for falling in love again. Experience again each and every word, incident, date, kiss, and touch as you were falling in love with this person. Recall the wedding moment by moment, flower by flower, promise by promise. Recall the joy as you drove away from the church, the joy of your wedding night, the joyfulness of your honeymoon. Remember that first apartment, the very first time you went grocery shopping together. Recall it over and over in your mind. Remember how you felt, all of your hopes and dreams. Focus on that, and there will come gradually to your heart the desire to revive it, to pick up the pieces of a broken love affair and love again. 3. Repeat. Being aware what pleases my wife shows our close relationship. Choosing to do what pleases her demonstrates my love. To "do the things you did at first" is the clear element of this part of the prescription. Some of you may be saying, "Do you mean that I am to play a game, to put on an act, to respond where I am unresponsive, to say what I do not mean and do what I do not really feel?" The answer is an emphatic "Yes!" Don't focus on feeling something concerning your spouse-do something for your partner. Love is something you do! You can fall in love again What happens therapeutically and psychologically when the soul addresses the Lord, the mind addresses itself, as well as the bodily actions address the injured spouse? You could fall in love again. As your whole being is thrust into the role of restoring the broken relationship, you'll see two responses in you spouse. The first may well be suspicion. The second response will be your spouse's attitude toward the new you. Your partner will end up a new individual that you could more easily love. If a relationship has grown sour, then neither party is acting as they once did. Both are only reacting. A chicken-egg cycle takes place, and there is no easy solution. Somebody need to take the effort to break the cycle. Is it worth it to you? Is the salvation of your house, the stability of your children, the sacredness of your commitment, and the sanctity of your own well-being and relationship with God worth the effort? No one can answer that question but you. You can fall madly in love again, but the medicine is tough to take. The prescription is powerful, but it works if you believe it is worth it.
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